Short, single and livin' with the g-mom

I'm 23 and I live with my Grandma. Wow, it sounds pathetic even in writing. Don't get me wrong, I love my Grandma. She's awesome and completely a smart-ass so we get along well. It's just that before I graduated, I had this whole idea of how things were going to be and none of that happened. I thought that I was going to be married or at the least engaged with a huge sparkly rock weighing down my hand. I figured that I would live wherever my boyfriend lived (although I've done that and it isn't always the smartest of ideas) and that I'd have this awesome job by now. I know it takes a while to get a good career after college, but it's been a year and I feel that I haven't gotten anywhere. I dunno what makes me feel more unsuccessful; the watching Dr. Phil every other day or the fact that most of my stuff has been in boxes for almost a year. I know that a lot of us returned to our parents or whatever right out of college, so I shouldn't be all whiny about it... but really. I want my own place where I can leave a pair of socks on the floor and not feel guilty about it. Where I can choose the food and possibly lose all this freakin weight I've gained. That would be awesome. Mostly, I just want to get all of my stuff out of boxes and into a life that I have yet to start.

Loved. Even when you're being a whiny punk.

I heard this song on the radio today on my lunch break. I'd completely forgotten about it but I love it! It reminds me that I'm always loved no matter what. It's best when you sing it at the top of your lungs because it makes you happy :)

More
by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

(Chorus)
Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

Wait... there's a FIVE in the morning?!

For the first time in a long time, I saw the sunrise today. Fortunately, I'm one of those people who gets to sleep in until 7 or 8 and so I don't see too many sunrises. When you have to be up at five and you're all sleepy and cranky, something about a sunrise makes it all worth while. There's something exciting about the gradually lightening sky, waiting until the first sliver of sun is visable on the horizon. Best of all, I think, is when the light hits the mountains first. The light hits the windows of all the cabins up there and it reflects bright orange. Like dozens of mirrors all over the mountain. It's all pinks and oranges and the snow looks like orange tang powder. When you put that against the pale pale blue of the sky, it's an amazing thing. I was driving so I had to try pretty hard not to crash into the guard rails but how do you not look at something like that? I wanted to pull over and take pictures, but I kinda had to go to work. Figured that took priority. If someone would ask me why I love living here, I would just tell them to watch the mountains at sunrise. Then I think they'd get it.

Sticky floors, cheesy love scenes

I don't think I'll be going to a romantic movie alone ever again. When you aren't with a friend or a boyfriend you sit there with your tub-o popcorn and your unnecessarily giant bucket of soda and you just get angry. Not all at once of course. At first, you get all warm and fuzzy and all... sigh-y. Then you realize that the past two hours of hollywood glamour was pretty much that. Glitter, sparkles... pretty to look at, but essentially useless. I got angry eventually because even though men in those movies are given the romantic dialogue (which was probably written by a woman), I want that stuff! I want that stuff and I don't have it! I want some guy to just waft into my life outta no where and have him just happen to be the guy I'm going to marry. Even better would be finding someone and staying with someone. That's definately not happened yet. Then I started to get angry because don't I deserve that stuff? Don't I deserve to have all the heartache rewarded? I freakin think I do! Eventually when you've had so many relationships fail, you pretty much just want to throw your twizzlers at the screen everytime there's a kissing scene.

VD day. yes, indeed.

I don't care whether you're single or what, Valentine's day is ridiculous. Not because I'm bitter. Because it's true. As a woman, trying to buy something for a guy on Valentine's day is like trying to find a straight man in a hair salon. What guy wants satin boxers with hearts all over them? Or any sort of teddy bear bearing the proverbial "I love you". And women, do we really need a giant teddy bear to know that our man loves us? Because if we do then something tells me that the guy isn't doing his job. This is entirely one of those "hallmark" holidays. An excuse for us to rail on our men for forgetting to buy us flowers. Isn't it better to get flowers when you aren't expecting them? For no reason whatsoever other than he loves you? Not as an obligation to this frilly holiday, but as a sincere gesture. Don't get me wrong. I like chocolates and flowers as much as any girl. And with all that forced romance floating around, you can't help but feel slightly excited. Unless you're single. Which I am. In which case you shouldn't get depressed. Buy yourself whatever you want. Gorge yourself on dove chocolate and watch comedies all night. It doesn't have to be a pity party! Enjoy being single by God! It's not the end of the freaking world, and it's nice not to get dancing teddy bears anymore that sing "wild thing".

God, Jobs and Mint Ice Cream

I had an interview the other day. I thought I killed at it. Got tons of laughs and smiles and what-not. They seemed to really enjoy me. Despite the fact that there was 3 people taking turns grilling me about my teaching and organization skills, I was surprisingly calm. I was confident. A rarity. One of my huge things is worrying til I get grouchy and no one wants to be around me unless they're bearing a pint of my favorite ice cream. So I kept telling myself to not worry about whether I got the job. Don't freak out! Just give it to God because he'll take care of me no matter what. That's another one of my issues. It's hard to trust that God will take care of me and that I'll be okay. Which is stupid right? I mean, I'm fairly sure that the creator of the freakin' universe can handle my issues. I didn't get the job. And it sucks! I was disappointed but I didn't crumple into a ball. I just keep reminding myself that something else will come along and I'm gonna be fine.

I blog. Therefore... I've given in.

I don't blog. I just don't. What could there be to talk about that anyone else would be interested in? But then I thought about it, and there's plenty I could pretend to be witty about. And enough stories to interest the mildly bored. So here I go. I shall go forth and blog!