Come Back Later. I'm Busy Being Irked.

Strange things annoy me sometimes. Not sure what it is... I probably just need to calm the hell down. Then again, you might agree with me. Here goes.

1. When I go to the gym, pick a locker, leave and come back the locker next to mine is always taken. Which is fine except when there's a million open lockers everywhere else. Then you might ask, why is that such a big deal? Why? Because we'll then share awkward, cramped locker space when I could otherwise be getting dressed without someone 6 inches from my naked butt. Unnecessary.

2. People that ask if I'm "serious" with my boyfriend. Do I come across as a casual dater? Do you see me flirting with all things male? Unless you see me dating other guys, I'm pretty much exclusive. Isn't everyone who isn't casually dating "serious" with said partner? And honestly, it's not so much serious as it is goofy as hell.

3. Farmville. Vampire wars. Mafia wars. Really Facebook? Really?

4. When the easy open packaging is anything but. Also, I can't get the damn cap off of the child-proof bottle of Tylenol.

5. When I keep swiping at a hair that's tickling my face and there's no freaking hair there.

6. Static electricity. Good for a laugh. Bad for your skirt.

7. Conspiracy theorists. More specifically, conspiracy theorists that insist on talking to me as if I'm interested. Please, take your crazy to someone who cares.

8. People who talk during sermons (you know who you are). Do you mind? I'm trying to get saved here.

9. When I walk into a classroom in business attire with my "guest teacher" badge on, carrying the attendance rosters and lesson plans and the kids go: "Where's the teacher?" Bite me.

10. Just to avoid changing the roll of toilet paper, someone leaves a single square, not adequate enough to wipe a mouse's ass, on the roll.

Does the list go on? Oh my yes. But to continue would just make me look like a whiner wouldn't it? I hope I'm not insane and someone, anyone, can sympathize.

Hey, There's Some Sham On My Rocks!

Don't you just love St. Patrick's day? Shamrocks! Green beer! Cheap plastic beads left over from Mardi Gras! Yay! Ah yes, it's truly a day to appreciate your local pub and to annoy people with your horrific fake Irish accent.

Ok, it might not sound like it, but I really do like St. Patrick's day. No particular reason really. Maybe because I get to pinch my non-green wearing friends. I dunno. But I got to thinking that there's got to be more to this holiday than corned beef (ick dude) and drunkeness. So, in the spirit of American holidays that we've butchered, I've done some research.

St. Patrick was the patron saint of Ireland but was, in fact, born in Britain. (Patron saint, by the way, simply means a protector of a certain nation). History tells us that he was captured and taken to Ireland as a slave. As a slave he was forced to cook cabbage all day and went mad from the smell and began to hallucinate visions of the Virgin Mary drinking green tea. It was during this time that he discovered his calling for ministry. For 6 years he stayed in captivity and eventually escaped and commenced with the baptising and holy-doings.

His story is fuzzy and laced with myth, but really, what saint's isnt? Legend says that he banished all snakes from Ireland and sent them all to Australia. Or perhaps the Amazon. The popularity of the shamrock symbol supposedly comes from St. Patrick's explanation of the holy trinity.

St. Patrick's day can either be celebrated as a religious holiday or as just a day to celebrate Irish culture. Which apparantly means buying some red hair dye and getting rip-roaring drunk. It makes me wonder... if you were to go to Ireland today, would they all be getting drunk as well? Or is it more of a pious thing to them? Also, if there were a patron saint of America, what would other countries do to celebrate us? Get drunk off of cheap beer, dress up in red, white and blue and eat cheeseburgers and apple pie? Yeah, you're right. To properly celebrate American culture they'd just sit on their couches and watch "American Idol" marathons. *shudder*