Incline-d to Hike

Above Manitou Springs is a vertical line going straight up the mountain. It's huge. What the heck is it? A really short ski run? No, wait, a really giant slide! Made... of...dirt...

Upon closer inspection, said vertical line isn't anything as fun as a slide. In fact, said vertical line is pretty much the opposite of fun. It used to be tracks for a cable tram that went up to the top of Mt. Manitou. Now all that's left are wooden ties, ridiculously large spikes driving them into the ground, rebar sticking out everywhere and rusty pipes big enough to fit the basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets in. It's something that us locals refer to as "the incline", or as some might call it: "Heart failure waiting to happen". Who, I ask, who took a look at that abandoned railroad and said: "Hey! That would be awesome to hike on!"

Conveniently, the wooden ties make up some 5,000 uneven steps (give or take a couple hundred) that are often covered in loose gravel for your slipping and falling pleasure. Personally, it takes me about 2 hours to get to the top because I adopt the pace of a banana slug. Otherwise I'd never make it. Some, however, do this sort of sick torture every week and can practically run up the thing. These are, more often than not, skinny old men who insist on being shirtless and look as if they embraced the 60's a bit too much.

The incline is only .9 of a mile. Now, before you judge and say: "You take 2 hours to hike .9 of a mile?!" Let me say this. To go up Barr trail (which runs parallel to the incline) 4 miles and then jog back down, it takes me 2 hours. 8 miles in 2 hours. Incline= 2 hours because it's death. It gains almost 2,000 miles of elevation in that .9 of a mile. It ain't called the incline for nothing my friends. Some steps are more like lunges and some I literally have to climb up onto. About halfway up, it seems to start ascending to heaven. In fact, halfway up you sort of start thinking you might experience heaven quite soon.

Subjecting yourself to the incline is not only sweaty, heart-pounding fun, but it's also illegal. Yeah. Every one of the dozens of people on that thing every week are trespassing. In fact, we pass a "No trespassing" sign on the way up. It might as well be a squirrel. We're still going to hike the damn thing. Because we're sadistic. Many have tried to make it legal for the public to keep scaling the incline, but truly, I don't see that happening any time soon. Mostly because last month alone 3 people had to be rescued on it. One involving a heart attack, another: impalement by rebar. No kidding. But that's only because the guy was going down the incline. Which is pretty much a guaranteed way to blow out your knees. Or apparently get impaled by some rusty metal.

Dangers aside, the incline is a really good work out. Instead of closing it off to the public, maybe they should just post some "hike at your own risk" signs. I mean, we see the jagged pipes. We know it's going to be an unhappy afternoon if we decide to run down the thing. If you're in the area, and want to burn off 3 days worth of calories, go ahead and try the incline. Just make sure to bring your defibrillator along for the hike.